I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
