So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
