Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
