would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
