The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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