just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
