I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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