I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
