Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
