i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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