so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize