she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize