so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
