..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
