Apparently you make a good broom.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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