So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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