the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
