talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
