he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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