508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
