You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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