She's JV to your varsity
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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