I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
