So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
