well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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