I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
