I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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