Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
