god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize