At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she woke up with a sticky ear
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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