The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize