Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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