If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
