i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
