I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
