He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize