remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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