I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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