My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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