Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
