The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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