I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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