Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
