i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm passing your future prison.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
