I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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