hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
