I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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