Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
