I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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