You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
