My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
