Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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