Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
