Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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