i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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