Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize