All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
