i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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