Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
