6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize