Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
