I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
