dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
