Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize