I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
